THE SELF
– 3 min read
FahtiRa PerNebSati
On my journey through initiation, my teacher always stated that we need to work on the Self. Though we have gone through trauma on many different levels, and no matter how painful it may be or has been, we must work on ourselves. Each one of us must be diligent in piercing the mystery of who we really are. It is like going into a dark room, not knowing where the light switch is. What is in this dark place? Because we have been taught to be afraid of the unknown, we would rather fabricate a lie about who we are. We then feed that lie to ourselves and others until we transition from this life. Even as I write this, so many questions come to my mind, and a sense of anxiety swells in my chest because I want to know how to pierce this mystery and what I will find once I do?
We were taught in initiation to stop being concerned about who likes us (people pleasers). It matters not who will accept us. In finding ourselves, we will realize and come to accept the tasks we came back to accomplish based on the concept of reincarnation. It forces us to explore the question of “who am I and why am I here?” If we seek to honor our Ancestors, we must know the tasks they sent us to accomplish by being willing to pierce the mystery of The Self.
There is a saying, “Revolution starts with the Self," and the Maakheru encourages us to “Build the world you want to see”. Meditating on this, I know that change starts within me. With discipline, change becomes me. As I face my challenges, I work to match my reactions to the 77 commandments. Yes, this is difficult, but this is a daily walk, one step at a time. As a parent of teenagers, this is especially challenging. Commandment 68 states, “Thou shalt not get angry”. The foolishness of our children’s decisions will have you pulling your hair out, but reflecting on this commandment, I had to look within, know why I get angry; I must understand how to change my reaction, and the reasons for the change. Reflecting on the reasons will ensure that the change goes deep within the heart. No time for surface application. Exploring the Self has helped me to see and understand the impact, so I have embraced being self-controlled, patient, thoughtful, and humble with the younger generation. I will walk in this on all levels - spiritually (to honor my Ancestors and the divine), emotionally (keeping my emotions/ego in check), and physically (being an example, by showing them how to conduct themselves). Being a trendsetter encourages and emboldens others to change. My freedom of the Self encourages others to free themselves, and so… the revolution.
Building the world I want to see puts a responsibility on me, the Self, to not wait for others to do the work first. It starts with me. As the colonized, I have been taught to play the blaming game. That is the culture of my world, but here I stand, pointing all fingers at myself with the understanding that I must stand up and be willing to look within and see how I am matching up to the 77 commandments and living the life of a KEM. I must look at my emotional expressions – how are they affecting my decisions? How are they affecting others? Are these expressions motivating others to change? Example being that when I get angry or snippet with my words, how do they affect those listening? I/we must become responsible for the words that we speak and how they affect others. What is our motivation behind the words? Is it arrogance? Is it frustration? These expressions tell us where we are within ourselves. I take time to reflect on these questions from time to time, in order to see how I am doing. And again, as I live and walk the change, my world changes, and in this way, I build the world I want to see.
We all want to see change in many different ways for the benefit of ourselves and the next generation. Working on the Self, challenging our motivations, matching it up to the principles of the Divine, and the 77 commandments will cause a change, and the ripple effect will impact the world we live in and those who will come after. It is not easy, but it is well worth the effort. Are you up for the challenge?
